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When he overstayed and began a fling with Dani, Robert wasn’t happy with the situation.“I thought it was jealousy, that he didn’t trust men,” Dani tells me.But despite or because of nonmonogamy’s current hotness—in the pages of this magazine, Ezra Miller announced he’s polyamorous, and Scarlett Johansson proclaimed, “I don’t think it’s natural to be a monogamous person”—the lifestyle has been reduced to something kinky, easily attainable or unstructured.Lital Pascar, a doctoral candidate at Northwestern University, researches media representations of nonmonogamy.Dani’s desk sits near mine at the Portland, Oregon co-working space we both frequent.

(Tinder and Bumble, the leading heterosexual dating apps, have yet to jump onboard.) In 2017, It’s not—but a possible explanation for the extravagant headline may be that polyamory requires rigorous conversations about consent. So five years ago, Dani and Robert opened up their marriage.And then a mutual friend rented the spare bedroom in their house.This means at least one person you know—a co-worker, friend or relative—has fucked multiple humans while in a relationship and with their partner’s permission.In many queer circles, consensual nonmonogamy has become so standard it may be discussed before dating or even meeting, in the form of disclaimers on online dating profiles.

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